Nella Vita di White Shit

I have a vivid childhood memory of being 8 or 9 and sitting out on Phyllis’ back deck one sunny Sunday morning enjoying a nice pancake breakfast. Actually, I have many great memories doing this, but this particular one, my dad shared with us something that had been passed around his office (as an aside, crazy to think that these things were once passed physically before there was email). Anyway, I just remember cracking up and thinking this was the funniest thing ever. I think it really helped shape me into the sarcastic smart ass I am today…sigh. Over the years I have reread it and it always brings a smile to my face. This year though, it resonates a little too true, but truly does capture the essence of winter better than anything I’ve ever seen or read. Incredibly, I think people across the US can relate and easily substitute their own state into the story. So for those of you who are trapped in snow hell, I present the unabridged copy of:

Massachusetts Snow Diary

AUG. 1
Moved to our new home in Massachusetts. It is so beautiful here. The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow. I LOVE IT HERE

OCT. 14
New England is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I LOVE IT HERE.

NOV. 11
Deer season will open soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE.

DEC. 2
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won). When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I LOVE IT HERE.

DEC. 12
More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again that rascal). A winter wonderland. I LOVE IT HERE.

DEC. 19
Snowed again last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling. Fucking Snowplow!

DEC. 22
More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling. That Asshole!

DEC. 25
"White Christmas" my busted ass. More fucking snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the dumb bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on this fucking ice.

DEC. 28
More of the same shit last night. Been inside since Christmas day except for when "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this shit tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

JAN. 1
Happy Fucking New Year. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN). We got 34 fucking inches of snow this time. At this rate it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck down the road and shit for brains had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the shit he plowed into my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his fucking head.

JAN. 4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the fucker. Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the hunters would have killed them all last November.

MAY 3
Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe the body is rotting away from all the fucking salt they keep dumping all over the roads. It really looks like a piece of shit.

MAY 10
Moved to North Carolina today. I can't imagine why anyone in their right fucking mind would want to live in the God forsaken State of Massachusetts.

Nella Vita di Free Money Deux

What is better than free money? More free money. Since entering the big giveaway mentioned in my previous post I have found that one great blog begets another, and that they are just as generous as the first, if not more! So along those lines, Dream Routine is the top sponsor with a $600 cash prize for Money Crasher’s 2010 Giveaway which ends Sunday, January 31, 2010. Get 15 entries towards Money Crasher’s 2010 Giveaway by signing up for the Dream Routine Insider’s Newsletter ( http://www.dreamroutine.com/beta/ to sign up). Get 5 entries towards Money Crasher’s 2010 Giveaway by following @DreamRoutine (Note: You must include a link to Dream Routine’s Twitter page http://www.twitter.com/DreamRoutine/). Additionally, you can get a bonus $1000 (which I am definitely hoping for)(go here for more details http://bit.ly/7Wonsy)

I hope you all consider doing this. I can think of quite a few things I would use $1600 dollars on :) That's like 1/10 of our wedding!

Nella Vita di Free Money

So I love personal finance and wealth...this is a really sophisticated way of saying that I love money! Specifically the security and freedom (and nice things) that it brings. My beloved and I would love to one day have a swimming pool a la Scrooge McDuck, except for the fact that we would rather have that money invested and toiling in the hot financial fields day in and day out while we reap the benefits (more money!). I like to think that we are both hard workers and in addition to our full time jobs we are always looking for extra opportunities to earn more to pay off our debts quicker and gain financial freedom faster. Wealth takes work and there is rarely such a thing as free money...rarely, but not never. I just found this great opportunity to win some cold hard cash, cold hard plastic, and cold hard goodies. Money Crashers, a great finance blog, is bringing in the new year with their 2010 New Year Giveaway, a massive blowout of giveaways. Thought I would share this with the great wide world, because if I can't win any prizes, who better than my beloved readers? :)

Nella Vita di Resolutions #1: More Cowbell, Less Cow

I’ve long been an animal lover and friend of the furry. There are many out there who also consider themselves animal lovers, when said animal is tempting their palate on the famous migration route from mouth to tummy. Now, you may be thinking that this resolution is going to be about becoming a vegetarian. Well not quite. It is really a resolution to lower your carbon footprint. It’s just that it will be lowered by lowering your meat consumption. One of the simplest (and freest) ways to reduce your carbon footprint is to stop eating meat, particularly red meat, which includes Porky. However, cows are by far the biggest culprit. Underneath their cute swishy tails lurk about 5 car exhausts, and they are set to full power, eeking out a gas that has been shown to be 25% more potent that what pours out cars…I’m talking about methane (Source: IPPCC’s Third Assessment Report). A 2006 report by the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization concluded that worldwide livestock farming generates 18% of the planet's greenhouse gas emissions while all the world's cars, trains, planes and boats account for a combined 13% of greenhouse gas emissions. Today there are an estimated 1.3 billion cattle in the world (that’s about the population of China or about the population of North America and Europe…combined!). Just one (uno, un, een, eins, jeden) cow produces 65 pounds of methane gas-filled excrement per day (24 hours; 1,440 minutes; 86,400 seconds). For those averse to math, 1.3 billion cows produce 84.5 billion pounds of feces in a single day, which is over 30 trillion pounds of bullshit in one year (yummy). That’s a hell of a lot of organic compost reeking havoc on our environment.

Not to mention how totally inefficient cow meat is. Think of how many acres are grazed by cattle. Imagine those same acres are planted with grains and vegetables. The amount of food that would be generated through plants vs. cows is astronomical (I couldn’t find an exact figure like in the example about methane above, but astronomical sounds pretty scientific, huh?)

So this year, I challenge you to reduce your red meat consumption by at least 50%. For me this will mean only 1 meatball when I visit my Nonina and about a half a Philly Cheesesteak (I rarely eat meat if you couldn’t tell). Then take your gas guzzling car on a nice, long, guilt free drive through the countryside (and maybe run over a couple cows for good measure).

Nella Vita di Resolutions #1: Mom and Pop

No, I’m not suggesting that your resolution should be to become a mom or pop this year, but that you should support one (the great news is that it doesn’t have to be your own). Buy shopping locally at Mom and Pop Shops you are able to get the products you need with a side of warm fuzzies. Here are 7 reasons to shop local.

1. It keeps dollars in our economy. Money is good.
2. It creates local jobs. Jobs are good and pretty important in maintaining a good quality of life. Plus, if more people have jobs, they will require less services which means less taxes.
3. It helps fund local government. Working for the local government this pleases me…please shop local, I need a raise!
4. It supports area non-profits. Who wouldn’t want this?
5. It helps the environment. See above.
6. It invests in entrepreneurship. I like the idea of rewarding creative, hard working people with my money.
7. It makes your town/city/village a destination, so that others will flock from afar to spend their non-local money J

I’m a big believer in small steps for big changes. So I’m not proposing that everyone must vow to buy everything they ever need/want from local retailers. Instead I suggest that each person choose one item and make a commitment (it’s like a resolution but with teeth) to only buy that item locally or choose one local store to support. For me, I’m going to buy all my yarn (and I buy a lot of yarn) from local Charlottesville yarn stores this year. Who will you support?

Nella Vita di Resolutions

Ah the New Year. In the perpetual kickball game that is life, New Years is like coming up to kick all over again. Perhaps it is a chance to redeem yourself from previous shortcomings or a chance to once again shine and punt the ball over the fence. Either way, most people step up to the plate with some sort of resolve (I will not suck) just as most people step into the new year with a mantra of determination (I will not suck). But not sucking is easier said than done; how do we not suck at life? It is a question many of us strive to answer. Over the next few posts, I will share five New Year resolutions that will put you on the path to not sucking. Not being perfect myself (surprising I know), I will even include what I plan to do to reach each resolution.

Nella Vita di Fat Asses and No Asses

Just in time for the holiday gorge fest is this 'fat map' from Huffington Post. It shows calorie consumption per capita or in other words, where people are over eating and where people aren't even eating at all. No surprise really that third world and developing countries are those whose citizens are most likely to starve. Of course if forgoing a second helping of mashed potatoes will not magically allow an African child to eat them, but I think it is worth a reminder about our own consumption habits and how they may affect the world. If this Thanksgiving we served one less dish at dinner and took the money we saved to invest in a feed the world program imagine the impact we could have.