Nella Vita di Resolutions #1: More Cowbell, Less Cow

I’ve long been an animal lover and friend of the furry. There are many out there who also consider themselves animal lovers, when said animal is tempting their palate on the famous migration route from mouth to tummy. Now, you may be thinking that this resolution is going to be about becoming a vegetarian. Well not quite. It is really a resolution to lower your carbon footprint. It’s just that it will be lowered by lowering your meat consumption. One of the simplest (and freest) ways to reduce your carbon footprint is to stop eating meat, particularly red meat, which includes Porky. However, cows are by far the biggest culprit. Underneath their cute swishy tails lurk about 5 car exhausts, and they are set to full power, eeking out a gas that has been shown to be 25% more potent that what pours out cars…I’m talking about methane (Source: IPPCC’s Third Assessment Report). A 2006 report by the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization concluded that worldwide livestock farming generates 18% of the planet's greenhouse gas emissions while all the world's cars, trains, planes and boats account for a combined 13% of greenhouse gas emissions. Today there are an estimated 1.3 billion cattle in the world (that’s about the population of China or about the population of North America and Europe…combined!). Just one (uno, un, een, eins, jeden) cow produces 65 pounds of methane gas-filled excrement per day (24 hours; 1,440 minutes; 86,400 seconds). For those averse to math, 1.3 billion cows produce 84.5 billion pounds of feces in a single day, which is over 30 trillion pounds of bullshit in one year (yummy). That’s a hell of a lot of organic compost reeking havoc on our environment.

Not to mention how totally inefficient cow meat is. Think of how many acres are grazed by cattle. Imagine those same acres are planted with grains and vegetables. The amount of food that would be generated through plants vs. cows is astronomical (I couldn’t find an exact figure like in the example about methane above, but astronomical sounds pretty scientific, huh?)

So this year, I challenge you to reduce your red meat consumption by at least 50%. For me this will mean only 1 meatball when I visit my Nonina and about a half a Philly Cheesesteak (I rarely eat meat if you couldn’t tell). Then take your gas guzzling car on a nice, long, guilt free drive through the countryside (and maybe run over a couple cows for good measure).